Pubsing Top 10 Lists
Top 10 Lists from Pubsing as read by Jack & Zack Rackam.
The Top Ten Rejected Acts for the Maryland Renaissance Festival
The Top Ten signs you've had too much to drink at the White Hart Tavern
The Top Ten Best Things about Going To Hell
The Top Ten Best Comebacks For Those Tired Old Pirate Pickups
The Top Ten Rejected Acts for the MDRF 30th Anniversary
The Top Ten Rejected German Acts for Octoberfest Weekend
The Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Beer
The Top Ten Signs your about to be dumped
The Top Ten Rejected Attractions at the 30th MDRF
The Top Ten Rejected Food Items
The Top Ten Rejected Names for Jack's Kingdom
The Top Ten Reasons to have a Mullet
The Top Ten Reasons for becoming a Pirate
The Top Ten Rejected Acts for the Maryland Renaissance Festival
10) El Naturel - the Male enhancement contortionist
9) Anything from the Virginia Renaissance Festival
8) Mickey Hooligan
7) The vicar and the altar boy make beautiful music together
6) Johnson Jousting
5) Overweight women in inappropriate clothing trying to belly dance
4) Mr Wizard and the pull my finger trick
3) Mickey Hooligan (yes, he made the list twice)
2) Necrophilia - music from dead gypsies
And the number one rejected act for the Maryland Renaissance Festival ...
1) Nipples, the clothing optional clown
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The Top Ten signs you've had too much to drink at the White Hart Tavern
10. My brother Zack looks tall, cute and Sweedish
9. You actually leave your seats and BUY something!
8. On Tuesday, your dry cleaner greets you with "Hey, it's Vomit Man!"
7. You swat the car on the nose and drive your dog home
6. Your left arm is blue
5. You go home with a knight in shiny armor and wake up with a geek in sweaty spandex
4. Your MOUTH is blue
3. The guy at the front gate asks to see your ID just to see how long it'll take you to figure out you aren't wearing any pants
2. Worried friends call to make sure you return the goat
And the number one sign you've had too much to drink at the White Hart Tavern
1. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity and into a pan of frying onions
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The Top Ten Best Things about Going To Hell
10. Mickey Hooligan's the opening act at O'Satan's Irish Inn and Eternal Damnation Pub
9. The surprisingly entertaining Osama and Kathy Lee Show
8. Prizes awarded for the best prank phone calls to God
7. Mullets are the standard hair cut of the day
6. Everybody gets a length of pipe and a free whack at Nancy Kerrigan
5. (and boy I'm going to get booed on this one), there's a fortune to be made on
"Welcome Mayor of New Orleans!" t-shirts
4. Well sure, but it's a DRY heat
3. No Irish!
2. Gasoline's free
And the number one Best Things about Going To Hell
1. Which would you rather jam to, harps and choir or Hendrix and AC/DC?
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The Top Ten Best Comebacks For Those Tired Old Pirate Pickups
10. Keep your little dinghy to yourself or I'll kick you right in the booty!
9. If ya try to shiver me timbers , i'll give ya splinters.
8. If ya try to bury any treasure here, just go frigate yourself!
7. and I even saw some shirts with this on it today, "How can I blow you down, when you can't even raise your mast!
6. "Fire yer cannon through yer own port hole!!!"
5. "Nay, we do not want to make yer roger jolly! "
4. "For all you musicians out there, you can say "Keep yer horpipe in yer pocket and dance it alone!"
3. I did say this to Capt Jack - So that's why they call ya Captain limpy mast!!!
2. Yer anchor's too short to drop in my lagoon!
and the number one Best Comebacks For Those Tired Old Pirate Pickups...
1. No, *you* prepare to be boarded!
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The Top Ten Rejected Acts for the MDRF 30th Anniversary
10) El Naturel - the Male enhancement contortionist
9) Anything from the Pennsylvania Renaissance Festival
8) The Amazing Flatulo
7) The vicar and the altar boy make beautiful music together
6) Johnson Jousting
5) Overweight women in inappropriate clothing trying to belly dance - Oh, wait they are at the Rogue's show
4) Mr Wizard and the pull my finger trick
3) The Aerial Arsonists
2) Necrophilia - music from dead gypsies
And the number one rejected act for the Maryland Renaissance Festival ...
1) Nipples, the clothing optional clown
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The Top Ten Rejected German Acts for Octoberfest Weekend
10) Beaner-Schnitzel the Mexican/German Jouster
9) Frau Helga explains why the trains run on time (a living history show)
8) Little Adolph and his Anal Alpine Horn
7) Johannes the German Sausage Swallower
6) Frenchie the Organ Grinder and his cheese eating Surrender Monkey
5) Dresdonia the Magnificent - his act bombed...
4) Fritz MacLochness - The fat German in a kilt
3) Hanel the porkey little pork eater
2) The Belgium Board of Tourism - Belgium, Germany's gateway to France...
And the number one rejected German act for Octoberfest Weekend...
1) The Munich House of Hunan - the Chinese food was great, but an hour later, you were hungry - for POWER!
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The Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Beer
10) Beer: Getting sorority girls knocked up for 300 years.
9) Goes down cold, comes up smooth!
8) A decent excuse for your normal clumsy self.
7) Because you're sober.
6) Beer: That nasty taste means it's workin'!
5) You have to fill your bladder with something.
4) Numbing the embarrassment of being YOU!
3) Beer: It's how you got here.
2) The *Other* thin yellowish liquid.
And the number one rejected slogan for beer...
1) It's the thicker-chicker-picker-upper!!!
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The Top Ten Signs your about to be dumped.
10) I think we should start seeing other people. And by 'we' I mean 'I'. And by 'should' I mean 'have been'. And by 'other people' I mean 'your best friend'. I'll let you figure out what 'seeing' means.
9) On his return visit to the show, your beau jumps up and down on Oprah herself.
8) You ask your Magic 8 Ball if she's going to dump you and it says, "Signs point to a prolonged period of masturbation, Loser McDumpy."
7) You're pretty sure "Adios, bitch!" wasn't really the answer to every question on last night's "Jeopardy!"
6)She's removed you from her friends list on MySpace and her buddy list on AIM, and is currently attacker her tattoo with a cheese grater.
5) Your girlfriend changes her screen name from Suzie1981 to SuzieLez1981.
4) She keeps having strange men come in to try out your butt-groove on the couch.
3) She calls out another guy's name while making love. To that other guy. In your car. While you're driving them to the airport.
2) She sits you down and starts the classic "It's not you, it's me" speech with,"It's YOU, jackass!!! All you, you, you, you, you! Oh, my God, it is sooooo YOU!!"
And the number one Sign you about to be dumped...
1) "Hi, this is Dan at the suicide hotline, jjust checking in, feel free tocall back anytime."
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The Top Ten Rejected Attractrions at the 30th MDRF
10) Ye Spiketacular Carousel of Pokin', Gougin' Nails
9) Paul Reubens' IMAX Experience
8) It's a Small Pox After All
7) Living History Log Ride o' Doom
6) Ralph Macchio Picichu
5) Westminster Arby's
4) Anna Nicole Smithsonian Institute
3) The Karl Rove Presidential Library
2) King Henry's Spotted Dick Collection
And the number one attraction at the 30th MDRF...
1) The Magnificent Mulletarium!!!
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The Top Ten Rejected Food Items
10) Deep Fried Privvy Cakes
9) Horses that Loose the Joust Soup
8) Lungbutter in a bread bowl
7) Witch on a stake on a stick
6) Crab and Elephant Rangoon
5) Goldschlager Garlic Mashed Potatoes
4) That's NOT a Sausage on a Stick
3) Hot Beef Curtain Sandwich
2) Earpuss Poopers
And the number one rejected food item...
1) Anything covered in the King's Special Coating!!!
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The Top Ten Rejected Names for Jack's Kingdom
10) The Virginia Renaissance Festival - a small, inscestuous and not-so-successful town
9) Racksylvania - we suck
8) Rackadelphia - The city of brotherly drinking
7) France - we'll always have German Beer
6) Irackham - weapons of mass intoxication
5) Rackistan - Burkhas for all the ladies
4) Jackoffenstein - everyday has a happy ending
3) Oz - no midgets, more like Prison then the Emerald City
2) Manny Land - home of the Rackham Moustache ride and It's a Small Pox after all
And the number one rejected name for Jack's Kingdom...
1) Fantasy Island (de plane, de plane)!!!
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The Top Ten Reasons to have a Mullet
10) It was the only truly androgynous hairdo.
9) The comb-over was long overdue for some competition.
8) It gave various parasites (lice, ticks, and in some cases full grown lampreys) a safe place to hang out for a decade or two.
7) Versatility: Not only do you look good, but you can dust the blinds with your head.
6) It can be pulled back into a ponytail for very formal occasions.
5) How else can you say "I'm a gun-toting love machine" with just a hairstyle?
4) Any hairstyle that makes you look like you've been professionally groomed to compete in an AKC dog show can't be all bad.
3) If you are wearing a jacket with tails, your head matches your ass.
2) The long hair in the back distracts from the at big old glob of nose hair in the front.
And the number one reason to have a mullet...
1) It drew attention away from the tattoo on your arm that reads "My other arm is an arm!!!
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The Top Ten Reasons for becoming a Pirate
10) Cosmo siad women are looking for hairy, gold-wearing men who know how to navigate the waters of love.
9) To create an excuse for your obsession with map making.
8) (Just for Skivee) You just found out your HMO covers rickets.
7) Unlike Carnival Cruise Lines, pirate ships don't have to put up with Kathy Lee Gifford.
6) You just sound stupid when you tell people that you poked your eye out with a frozen stick of butter.
5) The nicotene patch can now be placed over your eye.
4) Does Disneyland have a cool ride about Fast Food Employees? (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!)
3) Being a CEO always impresses the family.
2) You've always loved bossing around unwashed men, it's either pirate or dominatrix.
And the number one reason for becoming a pirate...
1) Twenty years of rum swilling, grog gurgling, barrel buggering fun!!!
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